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DEAR ABBY: My wife died two years ago. I met a woman shortly afterward. We dated for a year, shared the same hobbies and were very intimate. We were inseparable.

Now, after a year of marriage, we don’t do anything together, and she has put on 30 pounds. Her three girls, who I was led to believe were independent at ages 20, 22 and 24, are actually supported in part by her.

Her 15-year-old son lives with us and just stays in his room playing on his computer. He gets food delivered and does no chores.

I make $250K a year. She works and earns about $50K, and I give her an allowance to help pay for her son’s private school and whatever else she wants.

It’s obvious that I’m not No. 1 in her life. Since she just returned from a girls weekend (that I funded), I may not even be No. 2. Also, if I come near her cellphone, she goes crazy.

My friends say I should run, that she’s a gold digger who took advantage of me. I can’t believe I was so wrong, and I’m always giving her “one more chance.”

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As I write this, it seems obvious what’s going on. Am I being taken advantage of in a big way? Could I be missing something?

RANKING LOW IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR RANKING: Not knowing your wife, I can’t judge for you whether she’s a gold digger. Of this I am certain, however: You are being taken advantage of no more than you want to be.

If you have any desire to save this marriage, tell your wife you are unhappy and offer her the option of counseling. If she refuses, consult an attorney and thank your lucky stars that your marriage has been a short one.

DEAR ABBY: My grandma died when I was 7. She was my favorite person, and I adored her. She played with me when no one else had the time, taught me how to bake, told me stories and didn’t care that I was playing in the dishwater when she was trying to wash dishes.

I always knew that before she married Grandpa, she had worked as a cook in an American Indian boarding school in the U.S.

I now know how atrocious, evil and disgusting those places were. They practiced government- and church-condoned cultural genocide and were places where children were sexually and emotionally abused.

Although I love my grandma, I’m embarrassed, angry and disgusted that she worked in one. If it was church-affiliated, I know she would have overlooked any abuse, even if she saw the act.

How can I get past my anger and hurt at someone for something they did a lifetime ago? She has been dead more than 40 years.

HURT GRANDDAUGHTER

DEAR HURT: From your description, your grandmother was a loving, caring, hardworking woman who was trying to feed (and possibly nurture) the children living in the boarding school. It may have been the only job she could find to support herself. While terrible things happened there, they were not her fault.

Child abuse isn’t restricted to any one religion. Today, many religious people in many denominations cannot bring themselves to believe there is such evil among them. If your grandmother had shortcomings, forgive her for them and move on with your life. Dwelling on these negative feelings for someone who was good to you and is long gone isn’t healthy for you.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

News Source: mercurynews.com

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Karren Brady’s career advice on changing profession and how to find the right role

APPRENTICE star and West Ham United vice-chair Karren Brady answers your careers questions and meets an inspirational CEO.

Here she gives a reader advice on how to find the perfect job in her fifties and how to go about changing professions.

1Karren Brady, Baroness Brady, CBE is a British business executive and television personality

Q) I’m 50 and have always worked in retail. I went part-time after I had children, but when my ex and I divorced and the kids were a bit older, I went back to working full-time.

I know I still have almost 20 years of work ahead of me before I can retire, and I just can’t imagine still doing this job in 10 years’ time – I’m not sure my poor feet will cope with running around the shop floor all day!

It feels like it’s now or never when it comes to changing jobs, but I’m not sure what other roles I could do, especially given my age, which I know will go against me. What do you think?

Jan, via email

READ MORE ON KARREN BRADYBOSSING IT! Karren Brady’s career advice on taking up a side hustle

A) You’re younger than I am, and I never let my age go against me, so neither should you! I know it’s a cliché that with age comes wisdom and experience, but it really does.

I completely understand why the thought of spending all day on your feet for the next 20 years doesn’t appeal, so now is the time to start exploring options.

Have you considered other roles within retail? Perhaps as a customer service representative – with all your experience, you would no doubt know how a customer’s experience can be improved and deal with complaints in a polite and fair way.

If you want to leave retail altogether, spend some time researching companies and positions that interest you, and look into whether you need to upskill.

Most read in The US SunMAKING WAVES I'm an XL & my bestie's an XS - we tried same swimsuits & they looked amazingON AIR DISS Watch The View producers cut off host Sunny Hostin's emotional speechWAIST A MINUTE Kim's waist looks tinier than ever in Dolce & Gabbana skirt & bra in shotsTAKE TWO Direct payments worth up to $300 to be sent to Americans after delivery snag

You have time to do some online courses before you start applying – check out the National Careers Service Skills Toolkit, which offers a vast number of free courses. Most importantly, don’t sell yourself short. You have years of experience and a strong work ethic, both of which are invaluable. Best of luck.

A Day In The Life Of…

Cara MacGregor, 43, is the co-founder of online wine business Wine @ Heart. She lives in south-west London with her engineer husband Thomas, 43, and their children Noah, 12, Sevan, 10, and Effie, eight.

I wake up at…

7am. I have a coffee while Noah gets ready, before he cycles off to school at 7.45am. While the other two get dressed, I have a shower, then make some porridge, before walking them to school for 8.45am. I’m ready to start work by 9am.

A normal day involves…

Many mornings involve a dash from the school gate to catch a train to central London. But when I’m working from our home office, I place orders for wines, which are delivered to our local storage unit.

My business partner Tilly Walters and I attach bespoke labels featuring three words and symbols to describe each wine, plus a line about why we love it, for example: “It goes great with roast chicken.”

It’s easy to be intimidated by the wine industry, because it’s quite stuffy and old-fashioned, so we try to teach people about what they’re drinking in a simple way. Our virtual and in-person tastings are a great way of doing that. 

Social media is important to the business, but neither Tilly nor I like taking pictures of ourselves, so we need to improve on that! We’re both working mums, so flexibility is key. Once a week, I work in the evening to fit in a three-hour bike ride. Exercise is good for clearing my mind.

I stop working when my youngest two finish school at 3.30pm, then after ferrying them to and from after-school clubs, everybody’s home by 6pm. I’ll either eat with Thomas once the kids are in bed, or earlier if I have an evening spin class. 

The best part of my job is…

Getting positive feedback from people who’ve loved wines they wouldn’t normally choose, who then ask: “What else can I try?”

And the worst…

Struggling to find time for admin, like processing invoices.  

I wind down by…

Going for an evening walk with our labrador puppy Ash, then watching Billions or something on Netflix with a nice glass of wine – I’m lucky to have access to some fabulous wine! On school nights, I’m always in bed by 11pm.

  • Visit Wineatheart: https://www.wineatheart.co.uk/.
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