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This weekend, if you’re milling about the kitchen or backyard as America celebrates its Independence Day and you find yourself feeling, well, a little put off because the Supreme Court has decided you no longer have bodily autonomy, I offer you the following concoction to take the edge off. 

And if you don’t drink, congrats and I support you in your sobriety! This is for those of us who need this right now:

Disclaimer: Do not drink and drive.

Step 1: Drop what you’re doing.

Step 2: Gather ice, salt, and a clean glass, preferably a Collins glass, and if you don’t have a Collins glass, you uncultured swine, any glass will do. Wet the rim of the Collins glass/Solo cup. Dip the rim of the glass into the salt you have dumped generously onto a paper plate.

Step 3: Put the glass on a steady surface. Careful: You’ve already had three beers and you spilled a lot of that salt on the floor, good job.

Step 4: Pour the ice into the glass. Now walk back to the bar because you forgot to grab what you came here for because you were distracted by how you have fewer rights than your mother did. 

Step 5: Pour tequila over the ice and fill that sucker up until your glass is half full. Let the irony wash over you.

Step 6: Splash ice-cold, very fizzy Coke on top. (If it ain’t fizzy, don’t bother. Just take a shot of tequila and go eat another hot dog.)

Step 7: Good! The Coke was cold and well-carbonated. Grab a lime—but before you cut it, press and roll it across a hard surface to get it nice and juicy. 

Step 8. Pick up a knife. Do not choose violence on this day. Instead, choose to cut large wedges of citrus.

Step 9: Squeeze and wring lime vigorously into the drink until you think, “This can’t be right.” It is.

Step 10: Take your very cold beverage to a very shady spot outside and away from small children or men who start sentences with, “Well, actually….” Take a long sip and repeat the following aloud: “It’s going to be okay. We’re going to figure this out. I’ll be damned if we don’t figure this out.”

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Tags: abortion donaldtrump supremecourt scotus community joebiden elections roevwade insurrection democrats roe republicans jan6 2022 media senate ukraine russia pro choice immigration midterms fascism culture abortion donaldtrump supremecourt scotus community joebiden elections roevwade insurrection democrats roe republicans jan6 2022 media senate ukraine russia pro choice immigration midterms fascism culture abortion scotus original and if you don’t if you don’t you don’t figure this out the rim the following because you

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Downing Street’s energy crisis summit offered cash-strapped Brits no answer

A DOWNING Street summit with energy bosses yesterday offered little hope for hard-up Brits.

Lame duck PM Boris Johnson even said he would spare the firms further taxes if it were up to him.

4A Downing Street summit with energy bosses yesterday offered little hope for hard-up BritsCredit: Kyle Heller / No10 Downing Street 4E.On chief executive Michael Lewis and Ofgem chief executive Jonathan Brearley arriveCredit: PA

With bills now predicted to hit £5,000 next year, fat cats from companies like EDF, E.ON and British Gas owners Centrica met   Mr Johnson, Chancellor Nadhim Zahawi and Business Secretary Kwasi Kwarteng.

Ministers are looking at ways to knock another £500 off bills as well as force energy producers to up production.

Boris told the meeting that hitting profits with a new windfall tax would be up to the next Chancellor — but added: “If it was up to me I wouldn’t go down that route”.

However bosses were warned that massive bills would ultimately ruin the industry if ordinary people cannot pay up.

Read more on bills'IT'S OBSCENE' My bills will hit £5,000 - I've told the kids there's no Christmas this year

WIDOW Louise Parker blasted “obscene” energy fat cats pocketing huge bonuses while she works three jobs to pay her bills.

The mum-of-three has already told her kids there will be no Christmas this year after her bills more than doubled to £151 per month since her fixed rate deal ended in May. Her annual bills could be close to £5,000 by January.

The 48-year-old from Higham Ferrers, Northants said: “It’s obscene. I would never dream of taking money knowing my lifestyle is leaving loads on the poverty line.

“I’ve told the kids ‘no Christmas this year, you’ll get one small gift each’.”

Speaking afterwards, Mr Johnson said: “We know that this will be a difficult winter for people across the UK, which is why we are doing everything we can to support them and must continue to do so.

“Following our meeting today, we will keep urging the electricity sector to continue working on ways we can ease the cost of living pressures and to invest further and faster in British energy security.”

Mr Zahawi said they had agreed to work together to reduce costs: “In the spirit of national unity.”

But cabinet minister Mark Spencer, who backs Rishi Sunak for the next Tory leader, said there warned there would be a tax grab from them if the ex-Chancellor gets the keys to No10.

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Bosses of power companies were keen to call the round table meeting “constructive” but insiders later admitted the summit “just seemed to go around the houses”.

Another added that there was “lots of agreement on the need to find ways to support customers”.

Tom Glover, UK head of German-based energy company RWE, said: “The meeting was very constructive.”

Also present was Jonathan Brearley, who receives a reported £300,000 in pay and perks to head regulator Ofgem, which sets the energy price cap.


MUM-of-four Victoria Beck is already in debt to her energy supplier and is dreading winter.

The 35-year-old is currently on maternity leave from her £30,000-a-year job in recruitment.

The family’s energy payments have more than doubled to £265 per month since January and her annual bills are set to hit £2,680.

Victoria, from Leeds, is £600 in debt to her supplier, but has already had to reduce her payments.

She said: “I already run around switching everything off at the socket. We’ve not felt the full impact yet, but in a couple of months  it’s going to be a nightmare.”

4Tom Glover, left, is the UK head of German-based energy company RWECredit: PA 4Also present was Clare Harbord, Group Director of Corporate Affairs at DraxCredit: PA

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